Do As I Say, Not As I Do
Anybody who knows me knows that I am not a health food fanatic. I think salad is glorified rabbit food and a meal is only a meal if it’s got meat in it. My favorite post-workout is a pouch of pop tarts and I’m a total sucker for stouts and porters. This has led more than a few clients, friends, and people on the internet to say that I’m either a hypocrite or that they should be able to do this too. Well, they’re right in a way and my rebuttal is this: do as I say, not as I do. Here are the things you need to remember before you start pounding down pop tarts and Guinness.
First, you have to remember that we’re all playing by the same rules. Following a diet for managing weight has similar rules to managing your checking account. Money in minus money out equals your net income. Calories in minus calories out equals your weight gain or loss. It’s like your monthly budget, only tastier. You’re allowed a certain amount to spend. You can spend the money however you like. So long as you stay within that boundary, you’re good to go. You just have to decide how you’re going to spend your calories. Are you going to spend them on beer and chicken wings or steak and vegetables. Just like are you going to spend your money on contributing to your retirement fund or on a new sports car? Neither of those choices are good or bad. It’s more a matter of good, better, best for your goals. This goes for every human being on the planet, whether it’s Michael Phelps or Joe from accounting. The rules do not change.
Now, you might accept that and still ask, “But why can you eat all that crap and stay lean while if I eat half a slice of cheesecake my butt jiggles for a week?” You’re correct, I have more leeway than you. Here’s why. There are four variables that determine how many calories a person burns in a day (the “calories out” side of the equation.)
I don’t know about you, but I don’t have 4 hours or the coordination to dance off a Big Mac.
Basal metabolic rate (BMR). This is the amount of calories your body has to burn just to prevent you from dying. It covers things like breathing, your heart beating, keeping cells alive, clearing out waste products, etc. This makes up about 70% of all the calories you burn in a day.
Non-exercise activity thermogenesis (NEAT). This is a fancy way to say “all the things you do in a day that aren’t exercise.” It covers things like walking from your car to your house, washing dishes, working at your desk, fidgeting, and sexy time with your partner. This makes up about 15% of all the calories you burn in a day.
Thermic effect of food (TEF). Food doesn’t magically convert into energy for your body. Your body has to do some work to convert it into usable fuel. You have to spend some money to make some money. This makes up about 10% of the calories you burn in a day.
Exercise activity thermogenesis. This is exercise. Not much else to say about it. This makes up about 5% of the calories you burn in a day. Knowing that, you can now see why it’s pretty much impossible to out exercise a bad diet. This is also why exercising to build muscle is a great idea for fat loss, because building muscle increases BMR, the one that accounts for 70% of calories burned.
Each of these things plays a role in determining how many calories you’re spending every day. Somebody who’s a big, beefy construction worker is going to burn way more calories in a day than a guy who’s 5’5” and works at a desk writing code for an app all day. The construction worker has more muscle (meaning higher BMR) and higher NEAT. This means he or she can eat more calories without gaining weight. Neither one of those is better than the other. They’re just different and when planning their food they have to plan differently.
So by now it should be painfully obvious why I’m pounding down the pop tarts and at the same time telling you not to. If you’ve only just started working out and are trying to drop twenty pounds, your main concern is limiting calorie intake. You shouldn’t do what I do, which is trying to increase calorie intake because I’m trying to add twenty pounds. We’re both playing by the same rules, we just have different objectives. Kind of like how if I’m trying to show off my fictitious fabulous wealth, then I’d be buying Ferraris while somebody who’s trying to accumulate wealth would put his or her money into mutual funds.
But even if we had the same goal and the same body size, activity level, and very similar genetics, you still shouldn’t do exactly what I do. We’re playing the same game with the same rules, but we all have our own style. I hate salads but love sauteed vegetables, so that’s what I eat. If you love salads, then eat salads. Don’t just do what I do. I love beef and find chicken breast bland and dry and avoid it. If you love chicken breast, then load up on it. Play by the rules, but find your style. Maybe you’re the type that absolutely needs to have a doughnut once a week or you’ll go crazy, but you have no trouble eating just one doughnut. If having that doughnut prevents you from going to Dunkin and buying out their entire inventory, eat the damn doughnut. Maybe you’re the opposite. Maybe you’re the type that if you buy ice cream it doesn’t matter how big or small the container is, you will eat all of it immediately. For you, it’s better to just avoid ice cream entirely.
In the end, we’re all playing the same game with the same rules, but much like Grand Theft Auto, different people have different objectives and styles of play. As long as you follow the rules, it doesn’t matter if you do the keto thing, vegan thing, see food and eat it thing, or any other form of dieting. Play by the rules and you’ll have a (possibly) great time and get where you want to go. Oh, and frosted cinnamon roll pop tarts are my favorites, in case you were wondering.
